Child grief

Posted by Jayne on February 20, 2009 under Grief | Be the First to Comment

 Most children will cope well with grief and loss with the support of loving family and friends who allow them to express their feelings and talk about what has happened. However sometimes children can benefit from child grief counselling.

 

 Grief counselling can help when children seem to be ’stuck’ in their grief. Grief may be affecting their ability to cope with daily life such as school, socialising, sleep and family relationships.

 

In the case of a traumatic or violent death the child may need help to process the trauma. Sometimes adults find it difficult to give a child the support they need when they are grieving themselves.

 

 Children can be exposed to grief and loss in many different ways: the death of a parent, grandparent, sibling, friend or someone special to the child; divorce, death of a pet, physical or sexual assault, exposure to violence, chronic illness, injury or relocation to a new area.

 

Children can also feel grief when family members are emotionally unavailable due to family difficulties or substance abuse. It is normal for children’s behaviour to change when they are grieving. Normal changes differ with the age of the child. They can include:

 

* Sadness, crying spells, easily upset, clinging to caregivers

* Anger, mood swings, increased arguing

* Anxiety, nausea, feeling scared

* Loss of appetite, sleeping problems / nightmares, withdrawing

* Fear of death, the dark, sickness, being alone, school refusal

* Difficulty concentrating, feeling confused

* Asking questions about death, the person who has died, illness

* Return of younger behaviours: bedwetting, thumb sucking, comfort behaviours.

* Dreaming, asking questions and talking a lot about the person who has died & the events surrounding the death

 

Contrary to popular opinion grief does NOT occur in distinct stages. Instead it is an ongoing process of adapting to life after loss. The experience of grief is unique for each person. Not all children will react the same.

 

Supporting a grieving child involves being honest with the child and being able to listen to a child’s feelings and concerns without trying to ‘fix’ them. Allowing children to express their feelings is important. It is OK to feel sad or angry or scared. Seeing that adults grieve can be helpful to children if it is explained to them.

 

Being able to remember and talk about the person who has died and the death is important. Children are trying to understand what has happened and the feelings they are having. It is normal to feel sadness, anger, confusion and anxiety when someone we love has died.

 

Sometimes adults think that it is better not to talk about the death so that they avoid becoming upset or upsetting a child. Children are confused when suddenly they are not allowed to talk about someone they loved, or the events about the death. Being honest with children about what has happened is important.

 

The normal grief reactions usually occur in the days and weeks following the death and gradually subside over the following weeks and months. If children have an environment where they can express their feelings and talk freely, most will cope well.

 

Child grief counselling may be helpful when:

 

* Normal grief reactions seem to go on for an extended period

* Schooling and social life suffers

* The child is unable to discuss the death and express their feelings with family & friends for any reason

* A child’s anxieties about death, illness, violence continue

* A child experiences ongoing nightmares or sleep disturbance

* A child expresses thoughts of worthlessness or self harm.

 

Child grief counselling also can help when caregivers find they are unable to give a child the attention and support they need due to their own grief.

 

Remember that the best thing you can do for a child that is grieving is:

* Surround them with loving family and friends

 

* Let them express their feelings of sadness and grief

 

* Help them remember the person who has died by talking about them openly

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Insight Psychology Child Grief Counselling services

 

* Children’s Grief Counselling

 

* Sand play therapy

 

* Play Therapy

 

For more information phone 0412022995

Jayne Hogan Psychologist.